3 questions we need to stop asking immediately

Why is this happening to me?
When will this happen for me?
Can this happen for me?

All of these three questions hold the energy of a downward spiral. They are a trap of sorts. So if there’s anything that we need to change in our language, it’s to stop repeating these questions. Here’s the golden rule to follow – only ask questions whose answers will take you a step forward.

Why is this happening to me?

Whenever clients ask me this question, my response to them is, “if I gave you the answer, what difference would it make? How will it help you?” Let me tell you this…closure is overrated. And figuring out why something is happening to you and the reason behind it comes more from an energy of trying to place blame on something. It’s like finding some kind of assurance that it’s not your fault. But know this…if there’s something happening to you and it’s a repeated situation or you find yourself in the same situation every now and then in your life, it’s because of some choice you are making that is landing you up in that position, and that needs to change.

‘Why is this happening to me?’ is a space of not taking responsibility for our own actions. It’s a space of saying ‘I am not accountable for the choices I make and I am not accountable for what I am doing in my life,’ which is incorrect. It’s a fallacy…a myth. So stop asking ‘why is this happening to me?’ and instead change it to, ‘what do I change so that I never find myself in this spot again?’ ‘What can I do to get myself out of this spot,’ or ‘what can I do to change this situation?’

When will this happen for me?

Well, that’s a matter of divine timing. But divine timing is misunderstood. It does not mean we put our hands up and twiddle our thumbs. Rather, it’s truly a space where we’re 50 per cent creators…it’s a space of co-creation. ‘Things will happen for you in divine timing,’ means things will happen for you when you are ready to live that desire of your life. For eg. if a 26 year old girl is pining to get married (I am sorry if I am using gender stereotypes to explain a situation but sometimes these cliches are easier for us to understand) and it is not happening for her, there’s a good chance that she is not mature enough to handle what it takes to move into a new family when you get married. I am talking about this example from the perspective of India where women get married and move in with their husband’s family and take care of them. At 26, this girl might think that she can do it cause she has this fairy-tale wedding in her head. A fairy-tale idea of how married life should be. But when you get married and move into that house, you realise that people are so different and it takes a different kind of maturity to adjust, adapt, be considerate and compassionate; and yet place the right kind of boundaries and hold that sense of self to make sure that people respect you as well. So if this marriage is not happening, it means there’s something that needs to evolve within her.

Similarly, I would give the example of budding entrepreneurs; everyone wants to make it big, wants funding, be the star entrepreneur on the cover of a magazine. But do you ever stop to think that maybe it’s not happening because you need to gain emotional maturity, emotional resilience; you need to learn about business and life, about crisis and struggle before you can run a billion dollar company…it takes a lot more than just intellectual abilities, a great idea or a superficial understanding of the market. A great example of this are child artists. I’m sure you could think of  a couple of names from Hollwood or the international music  world. Fame came to them so early in their life and they unfortunately crashed and burnt. They were not mature enough to handle it and that’s why divine timing is so important. Trust the timing of your life. Stop asking ‘when will this happen for me?’ and start asking ‘what do I need to make this happen for me? Who do I need to become?’

Can this happen for me?

That’s a question of self doubt. The minute you ask this question you’re telling yourself that ‘I am not capable of this,’ or ‘I am not worthy of this.’ You are telling yourself that you have no faith. It’s coming from an extremely weak solar plexus chakra. Who are you? Your believe in yourself; the worthiness that you hold; do you deserve it or not, all of this comes into play. And in order to counter this phase of self-doubt, you need to work on building your confidence, realising your worth, and you also need to have a strong faith practice.Again instead of trapping yourself through this question, ask ‘what is the one thing I can do to believe in myself a little more today?’

The three questions that create hurdles that are actually non-existent in our path…

Why is this happening to me?

When will this happen for me?

Can this happen for me?

…Stop asking these questions today!

Recommended Posts

Leave a Comment